What is this, "Fear Factor"?
Intestines? Spleen?
I'm the king, right?
Prince, actually.
Same difference. I rule, yes?
WINSTON: Yes, Your Highness.
Great. Then feed this to the humans
and just bring me a piping hot dish of lasagna, okay?
I'll see to it
at once, sire.
Now it says we add the ricotta cheese.
Ducks!
You're supposed to sift
the flour, not sit in it!
Don't yell at us.
We're not the ones who drank all the cooking sherry.
(hiccups)
(singing)
Hmm. Carrots make everything better,
and it can't hurt lasagna.
What the heck is...?
(egg splats)
That was close.
WINSTON: Now slip in the eggs,
ooze in the tomatoes.
Now stir the whole thing up
in a bowl and let the bowl...
Okay.
You know what I'm talking about.
Hold it
right here,
all you animals.
What goes on here, Winston?
(laughs): We're preparing
the royal lasagna, sire.
Unless you prefer another dish.
Did you say "dish"?
Lasagna's not a dish, windbag.
It's a way of life, a state of being.
Man's one perfect achievement.
What did the Indians serve to the Pilgrims?
Lasagna.
What did Marie Antoinette scream to the rabble?
"Let them eat lasagna."
What did Neil Armstrong say
when he landed on the moon?
"That's one small slice of lasagna."
It's not a dish.
It's the stuff of dreams.
It's the food of the gods.
It's what's for lunch.
Yeah, well, the problem is, it seems we've mucked it up.
You just need a little guidance, that's all.
(fast-tempo, surf guitar riff playing)
Where's the flour? Who's got it?
(caws)
GARFIELD: I need a mixing bowl.
One large mixing bowl.
GARFIELD: And someone to mix it.
Thank you.
(sneezes, sputters, coughs)
Much obliged.
(group singing pop)
Sheba, did you remember to wash your hooves?
Ladies... thank you so much.
Strike. Strike. Strike.
A little outside.
Step on it, will you?
I need that dough.
Yeah, we'll need about a half a pound of this.
(squawks): What are barnyard animals
doing in the kitchen?
I demand you all leave at once.
This is completely against my castle health code.
Getting hot in here.
Turn on the exhaust fan, will you, somebody?
PRESTON: What are you doing?
Get away from there!
(squawks, then slams into grate)
GARFIELD: Sorry!
Proof more accidents happen in the kitchen
than any other room in the house.
Hey, where did that big ball of dough go?
All I see are magnificent ribbons of perfection.
Yo, it's lasagna, not shish kebab.
Taste that.
Is that too sweet for you?
(grunting)
One time.
(grunts)
(group singing pop continues)
(laughing)
Whoa!
Here comes the parsley.
All right, bring it back.
Bring it in. Bring it in. Bring it in.
Bring it back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back. Good.
We need somebody with a hard head.
Thank you.
(sighs)
It's out of our hands now.
(inhales deeply)
(growling happily)
(animals exclaiming with pleasure)
EENIE: This lasagna's fabulous!
Oh!
That's a bit of all right, that is.
Those Italians got it right, didn't they?
Mmm! Oh!
Two cheeses.
That is delicious!
Yeah, not bad on short notice.
It's beautiful!
What'd I tell you?
If you'd just let me be your king and lead you, all right?
Any more?
CHRISTOPHE: Oh, one more piece.
- EENIE: Oh! - Would anyone mind if I...?
- I, CLAUDIUS: It's mine! - DALMATIAN: I would!
- I, CLAUDIUS: Move! - WINSTON: Easy, easy!
- Hold up a moment! - NIGEL: I said it's mine!
That piece has Nigel's name on it.
Uh-oh.
(all arguing)
Please, I command you.
(glass smashing)
Leave room for dessert.
DARTS ANNOUNCER (over TV): Here it is, one step...
A half-inch adjustment from his last shot!
Oh, nearly!
Oh, heavens, I fear there was something urgent
to which I was supposed to attend,
and yet I can't for the life of me begin to recall what it was.
(giggles): You really like it?
I do. It's great.
Thank you.
Let me see.
I got to go.
Are you sure I can't go with you
to this castle tour thing?
They won't mind.
It's a Conservancy function for speakers only.
I guess the woman who owned the place
was a big animal lover.
You hang with the guys.
Odie could use a walk, and Garfield could use...
...some serious ab work.
Anyway, I'll be back soon.
Have fun, boys.
My entire world seems to revolve
around napping, television and lasagna.
Still, I'm plagued by a vague notion of a duty unfulfilled.
Oh, well.
Back to sleep.
What is it, woof-woof?
"Castles of England"?
Good Lord!
There it is!
Carlyle Castle on the Upper Thames.
Oh, brilliant, Odie.
All this time, I took you for... well, a complete simpleton.
Now destiny calls.
To the battlements!
Sound the horns!
For king and country!
Farewell, my loyal squire.
The legend cont...
(gasps)
What, ho!
(screaming)
Garfield?
Okay, sore bottom, a little disoriented, but undeterred.
Garfield!
Now, which way is the river?
(sniffing)
I think this way.
JON: Garfield!
Sorry, Jon.
Oh, here it is.
Now one needs some kind of conveyance.
- (horn tooting) - Oh, hello.
Oh, it's an awfully long way down, but I must,
and I shall, and I...
(screaming)
Ow.
Well, Miss Westminster,
I have the papers all drawn up.
We need only sign them,
and it's on to the ground breaking.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I would like to move forward as soon as possible.
Just think.
Bulldozers, paving machines
busily transforming this dump into beautiful luxury condos.
You and I striding through centuries of dust
like giants surveying our emerging empire.
Two proud parents.
I-I'll just check on Smithee.
See if tea is ready.
- (quacking) - (barks)
Filthy monsters!
Come back here, you smelly creature!
Come here!
Pigs, mark your man!
(Grunting)
Come here, you smelly individual!
(Squeals)
You know what?
I got two words for that guy.
"You're fired."
If only it were that simple, sire.
(clucking)
Swine!
Is there a problem, sir?
Is there a problem?
There's a bull drinking my champagne,
the pool's full of wild animals,
and a pig just tried to kill me.
Yes! I would say there was a problem.
I'll tend to it, sir.
You'll tend to it immediately!
And we'll have tea indoors.
Do you think you could handle that?
Thank you. There's a good chap.
Oh!
Has there been an accident?
I'm afraid tea will have to wait till later, Miss Westminster.
Oh.
(chattering)
He's about 42 and a half pounds.
He has orange fur,
more like a burnt sienna.
And he answers to the name Garfield.
I-E-L-D.
(typing)
Okay,
well, fortunately, Scotland Yard isn't very busy this week.
So, uh, we'll put together
a task force and our best men
and, uh, turn all
our resources and attention
towards finding your fat cat.
Really?
No.
(whines)
- Come on, Odie. - (barks)
(clanging)
Now, Rommel, it's really quite simple.
Uh...?
Me... Prince.
Prince... me.
Provider of food...
Food.
Right, governor.
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!
Yum, yum.
Kill...
Kitty!
Attaboy, Rommel! There you go!
Well done! That's the spirit!
Bad boy! Bad boy! Go on, get along!
(groans)
Smithee.
How are you?
Do me a favor. Have that polished.
There's a good chap.
So, what's on your mind, Smithee?
Uh... Mr. Hobbs's office called.
Are the solicitors convening again, sir?
It's nothing at all, Smithee.
Papers to sign. You know- boring.
Incidentally, when did you
last have a holiday, Smithee?
Holiday, sir?
I can't remember.
- Seriously, man? - Mm.
What an embarrassing oversight on my part.
I insist you have a week's holiday, starting today.
Oh, I don't know. I don't think...
Oh, Smithee, I won't hear a word of it.
I can just see you cycling in the Dordogne,
fighting the wild boar in Tristan da Cunha.
Farewell, wind to your sails and bon voyage, Smithee.
Well, then...
thank you... sir.
(indistinct conversations)
JON: What am I going to do?
How am I supposed to find Garfield?
- London's really... big. - (Odie barks)
I don't care about some alien love baby, okay?
I'm worried about Garfield.
(barks)
Odie, you know what? You're being a real...
"Lady Eleanor of Carlyle has left her entire estate
to her beloved cat, Prince the 12th."
Maybe someone mistook this cat for Garfield.
Odie, come on. Come on, buddy!
The Venetian crystal chandeliers in this room were commissioned
by the Third Earl of Carlyle in the late 18th century.
Over here, we have several family portraits painted
by the Dutch master Van Dyck.
These are amongst the many treasures
to be found at Carlyle.
(singing)
- PRESTON: Oh, hogwash! - Huh?
I tell you, this cat is mocking us at every turn.
WINSTON: Preston, calm yourself.
We're only doing what is best for everybody.
PRESTON: How much longer must we sustain this charade?
I can't believe this cat is so stupid as to think
he's actually royalty.
Well, he does, and house cat or not, we need him.
Wha...? House cat?
Just have a little patience.
Patience? Ha! Admit it, Winston.
This buffoon couldn't groom the paws of a real king.
Buffoon?!
(acoustic guitar plays sad melody)
##
Golly, this is without a doubt my all-time crummiest moment.
Huh?
Jon.
Man, I've been such a stupid, selfish cat.
(sniffling)
I've lost my friend.
I've got to find him.
The original medieval kitchen has stood
on this site since 1485...
Yes, yes, it's big. It's old and it's musty.
Uh, Lord Dargis, uh, please meet the tour group
from the Royal Animal Conservancy.
Oh! By all means, save the little darlings.
That's my motto.
Big fan of Free Willy, Born Free,
all the Free movies.
Bravo! Now off you go.
If you come this way,
we'll visit some of the underground passages,
one of which...
Hello. Welcome to Carlyle Castle, my dear.
Thank you. It's, it's beautiful.
Well, that makes two of you.
Did I mention how much I abhor fox hunting?
Unless, of course, in self-defense.
- Bye. - If I may...
Uh, one question, uh...?
Liz.
Ah, the same as our own dear queen. Cordial?
- One question, Liz. - Liz?
What would you say if I were to donate
one of my priceless oil paintings
to your conservancy?
Um... Thank you?
Mm! But how would you say it?
That royal sleaze is hitting on Liz.
Perhaps you would consider dining with me
at the castle tonight?
Nobody hits on my best friend's girlfriend... and succeeds.
Yoo-hoo! Mr. Pinata-Head.
(growling): You!
Me?
Excuse me for one moment.
- Sure, but... - Mi castle es su castle.
- DARGIS: Aha! - GARFIELD: Not now!
- Your nine lives are up! - (doorbell rings)
GARFIELD: No. No, not now.
Good Lord, do these people never sleep?
GARFIELD: Oh, why now?
Ah, Mr. Hobbs, punctual as usual.
Just taking out the rubbish. Won't be a jiffy.
GARFIELD (whimpering): Oh, please!
Okay, you got me.
GARFIELD: Oh, you are so stupid.
Dungeon.
GARFIELD: I'm just a cat!
GARFIELD (crying): Oh... Please! I'm so weak...
and, and you're so strong, so powerful.
(Garfield grunts)
(lock rattles)
GARFIELD: You creep!
There's more than one way to skin a royal cat.
I'm not a royal cat!
I'm a self-centered house cat!
Hey! Wait! Wait!
What, you think I'm going to crack in here?
Uh-uh. No. This is gonna be a treat.
I'm finally gonna have some quality alone time.
I'm gonna write that novel I've been putting off.
I'm gonna learn a couple of foreign languages,
and I'm gonna start a whole new workout regimen.
I'm gonna lose all this.
Get myself in top physical condition.
Thank you! Yeah!
Ha, ha!
I love it here!
You've done me an enormous favor!
Who's laughing now?
(laughing)
(laughter fades)
(laughter resumes)
(sighs)
(grunting)
It's nice to get away from the urban sprawl.
"Carlyle, 28 miles."
Going my way?
(grunts)
Piece of cake, really.
JON: So we make a left up ahead.
(barks)
Oh. Right turn.
Thanks, buddy.
I'm afraid there's just no sign of him.
Really? Well, then...
let's make it official.
Well, if we must, we must.
Then there's the time I got hit by that car...
and the time that I ate that six-day-old halibut.
Hey, that's only seven lives.
I got two more.
All right, I'm gonna get out of this.
(stone scrapes, clatters)
Bingo!
Winston and I have come to your rescue.
Took you long enough.
What, did you finally hear my stomach growling?
No, but we heard your tiresome monologue. Bad halibut, indeed.
(stone scraping)
Let's get you out of here, Your Royal Highness.
Winster.
The solicitors are here.
We have to move quickly.
Huh.
Uh, then we luncheon, Your Royal Highness.
Yeah, you can drop that shtick, drool boy.
I heard you and the bird.
How about the house cat part? I loved that.
Aw, all right, all right.
So we weren't exactly honest.
We had to do it.
What would you have done?
Save your breath, chubby cheeks.
I shall abdicate my throne and return to my TV chair.
You were our only hope.
The only hope of the hopeless.
What do they want, blood?
I have been eating and sleeping my heart out for these animals-
still not enough.
Like I'm not as good as a royal cat could be.
Huh?
Hmm...
(Garfield humming)
Hmm?
Hmm...
Hmm?
Blah!
Hmm?
(Garfield groans)
(glass squeaks)
(exhaling)
(Prince groans)
Aha! I so knew you weren't me.
And you must be Garfield.
How do you know my name?
I've lived your life for the past few days.
Yes, if ever a man loved a cat, it's your Jon.
Return to him, Garfield.
Return to your home.
Your Highness, you don't have to tell me twice. Bye-bye.
Sire, thank heavens.
- You've returned. - The real prince!
The prince is home, back with us!
It's the real prince- the genuine article.
Yes, my friends,
I have returned to you at this, our darkest hour.
So, Winny, what exactly is Lord Dargis up to?
He intends to level our homes and kill us all.
O... kay.
(clears throat)
Well, in that case, I decree that we pack our bags
and get our scraggy bottoms out of here.
Perhaps to the castle next door.
- Oh, boy. - What?!
(sarcastically): Well, that was inspirational.
Brilliant.
I am so fired up.
You know, I have to believe we can do better.
I thought you were leaving.
Hey, button the beak, Fruit Loops,
or I'll stick that thing on backwards.
Look, Lord Doofus is just another bully.
And what do we do to bullies?
Well, generally, we run from them.
No, we don't leave.
We stand and we kick royal butt.
Trust me, if you beasts...
can bake a two-cheese lasagna,
you can beat Dargis.
Well, do you have a plan, Garfield?
Tell you what. For the duration of this battle,
I would prefer to be called G-Cat.
And we have two plans.
- Oh, teamwork. Oh, yes, yes. - (animals chatter excitedly)
(panting)
GARFIELD: Hey, girly dog!
(snarling)
Yeah, you girly girl!
You're such a silly sissy dog!
(barking)
GARFIELD: Go! Go!
PRINCE: The game is afoot.
(Rommel barking in distance)
- Sissy, silly dog. - (barking)
You don't move so good, bozo!
(barking)
Uh-oh!
Here, kitty-kitty.
(panting)
GARFIELD: Yoo-hoo!
- Oh, Mr. Stinky Dog. - (growling)
Hey, loco.
Oh, no!
Run away!
GARFIELD: Oh, yay-yip-yip-yahoo!
Yahoo! Yow-yow-ya-ya-yip-yip-yip-yahoo!
DARGIS (sadly): The loss of Prince...
I'm not quite sure that...
any of us will ever get over it.
Prince and Carlyle Court were... were one.
Sometimes, it's, it's almost as if his...
his spirit was still...
His spirit's still what?
...still ro-roaming the grounds.
I wonder if you could excuse me for a little...
Do you hear running water?
I-I won't be long.
He's a bit of a tool, don't you think?
(doorbell rings)
Yes?
Lord Dargis. Am I early?
Only just, Miss Westminster. Only just.
Please, please. Please.
I was just finishing something.
I wonder if you'd like to wait in the library.
(whimpers) Okay.
Make yourself at home.
Have a seat.
Thank you. Um...
PRINCE: Tally-ho!
Oh! On the other hand, this simply won't do.
- Why? - Smithee's been painting again.
I can't smell anything.
Oh, you never can, my darling.
Next thing you know,
you're salsa dancing in your knickers.
- What? - I won't be long.
(growls)
(grunts)
MR. HOBBS: Ah! Mr. Dargis,
will we be starting sometime today?
Absolutely, Mr. Hobbs.
PRINCE: Hello again.
(Dargis screams)
- What's the matter? - Matter with what?
- You screamed. - No, I didn't.
Why don't you adjourn to my study?
And now, I'll retrieve the papers.
Where are you, you rat-headed devil?
(grunts)
Oh, no!
Yoo-hoo, Mr. Fancy-pants.
(groans)
Wait till I get my hands on you!
Ha-ha! He's brilliant!
(groans)
GARFIELD (in Brooklyn accent): Dargis!
I got two words for youse:
Me. Yow.
Come here, you!
Oh, no, you won't do.
I specifically requested a feline masseuse.
(screams)
(Dargis groans)
(Dargis yelling)
Somebody get this thing off of me!
Hey, bozo!
- (growls) - Yeah, you, buster!
GARFIELD: Hey!
(screams)
Stupid, red-haired, flea-bitten...
Whoa-aah!
(grunting and groaning)
Lord Da... What is...?
What is that?
- I felt a slight chill. - What?
I thought a simple wrap would be just the ticket.
- There! - There what?
There is absolutely no reason
why you can't have a cool, refreshing drink
to make you feel calmer in this steamy weather.
Wait in the room.
Stupid cat!
Nobody makes an idiot out of me.
(grunting)
(whimpers, body thuds)
(visor squeaks)
Oopsie-daisy.
Medic!
PRINCE: Well done, old man.
GARFIELD: Thank you.
Never seen a welcome mat on the way out.
(grunts)
GARFIELD: Get your cameras ready, ladies.
DARGIS: Come back here, you flea-bitten monster!
(chickens clucking)
- (ducks quacking) - GARFIELD: Oops! Oh, no!
(taunting blubber)
(panting and grunting)
Ooh!
(panting)
(grunting)
(gasping)
ROMMEL: Trousers!
(Dargis screams)
(barking)
(Dargis screams)
(barking)
- Trousers! - (screaming)
(gasps)
McBUNNY: Target sighted!
DARGIS (mumbling): Shaken him off.
Pull!
- Take that! - (clay shattering)
- And that! - (Dargis screams)
- Down a bit. Down a bit. Up. - Bob's your uncle!
(grunting)
Good Lord, it's a conspiracy!
(Rommel barks in distance)
(barking)
Oh, dear.
Trousers!
DARGIS (echoing): Smithee!
JON: Excuse me, sir.
Is that Carlyle Castle?
It is.
Maybe you can help me.
Have you seen a cat that looks like this?
Ah, yeah... that's Prince,
the cat of Carlyle.
(whimpers)
It's also Garfield, the cat of the cul-de-sac.
Do you mean to say, you have a cat
that's Prince's doppelganger?
No, I'm saying they look exactly alike.
And there's a chance they may have gotten mixed up.
I see.
There you are, man.
Good God! What happened to your clothes?
Indeed, it's been that kind of day.
Mr. Dargis, I demand an explanation.
(voice cracking): I had no choice.
The cat just won't die.
What did you say?
You will sign the deeds over to me, cat or no cat.
Oh, my!
Mr. Hobbs, you were right.
Lord Dargis was willing to go to any lengths
to get the estate.
I can see you're busy. I'm just gonna...
Uh! Young lady.
Get over there.
Traitoress. You were working with them all along!
JON: Odie! Odie, wait for me!
Odie!
DARGIS: Get on with it!
PRINCE: Hello, everyone.
Sorry I'm late. Shall I ring for tea?
Well, it's Prince, and he's alive!
GARFIELD: I am bushed.
All this running-for-my-life stuff.
What say we break for lunch,
take a quick nap and pick it up later?
Sound good?
There are two of you little monsters, hmm?
For those keeping score at home, that's 18 lives.
MR. HOBBS: This is unbelievable!
- HOBBS: Two cats?! - DARGIS: No matter.
I have plenty of ammunition.
- Aah! - (Odie growling)
Something's biting me!
(screaming)
(growling)
Odie, let him go!
Help! Oh!
Your lunatic dog just bit my bottom!
(laughter)
All right. Well played, you.
GARFIELD: Hey, look, it's Little Jon.
PRINCE: Good show, old man.
I'll go quietly.
Jon?
- Liz? - What's going on?
Well, hello, my dear.
Hello.
And not a moment too soon.
- (gasping) - GARFIELD & PRINCE: Uh-oh!
Is this part of the tour?
- Let her go. - All in good time.
Now if you'll be so kind...
Okay, stay calm. Okay?
Mr. Hobbs, the papers, please.
I've seen enough. You want to call in your weasel?
PRINCE: Sic him, Nigel.
Oi! I'm a ferret.
And I mean business... trouser-leg business!
Ooh... (screams)
NIGEL: I'll take a leg, please.
Ooh, on second thought, I'll have some white meat.
Aah! Good Lord!
There's a wild animal in my trousers!
(grunts)
(whimpers, body thuds)
Hoo-dee-doo-dee-doo.
Uh, who's next then, eh?
Glass jaw.
He can dish it out, but he can't take it.
That was amazing!
Are-Are you okay?
Yeah, I... I never felt better.
PRESTON: Well done, Garfield.
I was rooting for you the whole time.
Did you hear something?
Yes, one did.
I'm here to discuss my new position in your...
SMITHEE: There he is, gentlemen.
Come along. There's a good boy.
Oh... It was the animals, you know.
Plotting, planning, every one of them against me!
I assume that will be all, sir.
Smithee. He'll vouch for me.
Smithee!
PRINCE: Odie, thank you.
You're a hero and a gentleman.
Whoa. There are two Garfields?
Well, how can you tell them apart?
Oh, you forgot imbecile.
- That's Garfield. - Garfield.
Liz, I've been...
I've been trying to get the courage up
to ask you something all week.
- Uh-huh. - And, uh...
Oh, come on... Really?
(mumbling): Looking for something?
Thanks, pal.
Liz, will you marry me?
(sighs happily)
Yes.
Aw...
You know a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's?
- (rock beat plays) - Come on! The coast is clear!
(group singing pop)
(animals cheering)
Hooray!
McBUNNY: Let's hear it for the cats!
Hooray!
Go, Garfield.
That's right. Come on!
Do you do the Carlyle jig?
It goes like this.
(chuckling)
Can you do this?
Oh, boogaloo.
(chuckles)
(chuckling): Jolly good.
Bust a move, man.
No, it's something like this here.
PRINCE: And so, my loyal subjects,
I leave you with a final legacy.
Cannonball!
(animals groaning)
(moos)
(bleating)
(animals chatting excitedly)
Brilliant party, sire. (chuckling)
GARFIELD: Yeah, when the going gets tough...
the great ones party.
(grunting)
(Odie barking)
(bleating)
Who wants to play Marco Polo?
HOGS: Marco!
I refuse to partake in this sinful display of hedonism.
Oh! Those nuts look good.
Get a load of this!
Bombs away!
I love this pond.
We rule the pool, goosey.
Give me some feathers!
(group singing pop continues)
GARFIELD (chuckling): Watch the ears.
Thank you.
Oh, you're so kind.
(Odie barks)
Odie, could you beat it, please?
It's good to be king.
(group singing pop continues)
(song ends)
(mid-tempo rock beat plays)
(man singing)
(woman vocalizing)
(man singing)
##
(woman vocalizing)
##
(man singing)
(woman vocalizing)
(man singing)
(woman vocalizing)
(song ends)
(fast-tempo surf guitar instrumental playing)
##